Trigger warning: This article contains mention and discussion of sexual violence and assault
It’s very difficult to over-exaggerate just how common dismissals or jokes about men being sexually assaulted or harassed in the media are. “Comedic” situations are typically designed to degrade or humiliate men for being victims or potential victims of sexual violence.
While there is political commitment to understanding sexual violence against femmes as a societal problem, work on such violence against men lags behind and is little understood. The rape of [masc individuals] needs to be acknowledged, and their vulnerabilities to sexual abuse need to be addressed. Prevention efforts to end violence against women and girls can be used to address violence against men and boys, says SA Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse (Samsosa) Executive Director Rees Mann.
Two days ago, on 25 May, screenshots of messages from a woman telling the story of how she met DJ Dimplez after he called her, showing interest in her, started circulating heavily on social media. In her messages, she details how she and DJ Dimplez had sex even though in her own words, she “realised that he is super drunk”. In South Africa, “Any person (“A”) who unlawfully and intentionally commits an act of sexual penetration with a complainant (“B”), without the consent of B, is guilty of the offence of rape”. Carrying on with that thought, someone cannot consent if they are asleep or under the influence of alcohol or drugs. The law in South Africa dictates that if you have been drinking or are under the influence of drugs you cannot consent to sex.
The replies to the initial screenshots of the messages posted on social media have been very divisive, to say the least. As an off-set from this particular case that has risen this week, this calls to question the validity to which our society currently treats the sexual assault of men and how it has done so in the past. Anyone, regardless of age, sexual orientation or gender identity can be sexually assaulted. Men and boys who have been sexually attacked or abused may experience many of the same emotions and behaviours as other sexual assault survivors, however, they may also encounter additional obstacles as a result of societal attitudes and preconceived notions about men and masculinity. As patriarchy dictates that men and boys are superior, this has instilled the assumption in many that men cannot be sexually assaulted. Popular culture is informed and inspired by the social system we currently live under — and as a result — for a very long time, the sexual assault of men has been treated as a matter to be dismissed or laughed at. Think back to all of the prison jokes you’ve heard in passing, in a movie or through conversation. The sexual assault of men derived for comedic purposes can take on many forms, ranging from jokes about unwanted kissing or caressing to one-liners about anal rape. It’s difficult to overstate the prevalence of jokes about men being sexually attacked, this sort of comedy is prevalent in a lot of comedic writing and performances.
I’ve seen these scenarios being orchestrated and play out in many different types of shows, movies and standup routines such as FRIENDS, Guardians of the Galaxy, Deadpool 2 and many more. Punchlines about men being sexually assaulted usually revolve around the idea of a man being made subordinate to another man, and therefore, forced into a role that is stereotypically defined as “feminine”. Survivors are represented as “emasculated” and being viewed as “feminine” seems to be the ultimate humiliation for a man in a patriarchal society. “It’s normally a violent act and about humiliation and control and can be considered a form of punishment”, says Mann. In the portrayal of the perpetrators, there is a certain popular characterisation that may be identified. To begin with, the perpetrator is coded as a gay man or someone with an ambiguous sexual identity. In this situation, sexual assault is frequently represented as the result of an uncontrolled sexual urge. Queer characters such as Todd Cleary in Wedding Crashers and others are depicted as being outrageously dressed and hitting on everyone around them or making jokes about enacting sexual acts. This has been a long-standing pattern in media, wherein Queer sexuality has been presented as a threat to straight people. Although men are statistically more likely than any other gender to be the perpetrators of sexual violence, it is very essential to highlight the fact that Queer sexuality is not a threat to straight people. The perpetrators of sexual assault are a threat to all people.
Another aspect that is a part of the dismissal of the sexual assault of men is that society refuses to acknowledge that men can be the victims of sexual assault and that women can be the perpetrators. Take, for example, the characters of ‘Dale’ and ‘Julia’ in Horrible Bosses.
The movie seems to say through their characters that “men can’t actually be raped by women” since they’re always willing and sex is all men want all the time, or at least they should want sex all of the time. As a result, assault scenes are acted out as illicit sexual fantasies with the [masc] victim portrayed “enjoying” the violation. “[Men] don’t believe or think it happens to other [men]”, states Mann. Regardless of which group of people perpetuates the crime, the assumption that men cannot be assaulted must be rejected. It is harmful to all of us when we believe that there are sexual assaults that cannot occur. It’s past time we address the patriarchy that exists not only in social ideologies but also in the eyes of those who as state actors and civil servants who work to uphold the law as Mann states,
Many men don’t come forward when they have been raped as they fear discrimination and judgement, among other things… They take the shame and the blame [for] what happened. Sometimes when they report [the incident] they are made fun of or statements are not taken. They don’t want to go through that secondary trauma. It can be worse than the rape itself.
Dj Dimplez has since released a statement regarding the circulation of the story.
