Lights! Camera! Johannesburg!
Navigating the dating scene in Joburg is not for the faint hearted. Besides the dating pool being the size of a pea, there are so many factors — that I will go into as this piece progresses — that contribute to either the success or demise of your dating life.
The space of desire can also offer alternate avenues through which to explore ourselves and our passions, I believe that the right people can be amazing mirrors, offering reflections of ourselves back to us. Dating can also be an opportunity to take yourself out of your comfort zone and connect with different people.
I wish forming meaningful connections was easy as a right swipe but in reality — it takes so much more discernment and intention to form these connections.
The Land of Social Commodity is my version of how people have named Cape Town ‘The Colony’, however in my case, I’m speaking about Johannesburg. The naming of Cape Town as ‘The Colony’, implies that the city is a part of South Africa that continuously perpetuates colonial ideologies. So, ‘The Land of Social Commodity’ — simply put — speaks to the idea of clout and how it functions as a currency in Joburg.
Who, and how many people are you noticed by when you walk into a room? The idea of being perceived around a certain group of people ‘elevates’ your social experience in Johannesburg. This has made us believe that there is a sort of social hierarchy and that affects the authenticity of many connections formed.
“Get your bag,” though, right? I am not one to speak on people’s intentions but the words of Goddess Lula Belle resonate with me deeply. Belle says, Do nothing without intention, which is the overarching theme for this article.
What I baited you with was a comprehensive Tinder guide so let us get into it. Disclaimer: please take everything with a pinch of salt. Tinder is a place where you can meet other people. Do not put too much pressure on yourself to date or fall in love with the people you might potentially meet.
I do believe that everyone on social media — or at least people whose platforms are mostly visual — have an exhibitionist kink. These are not scientific facts, it’s only my truth.
Your profile is the first and most crucial step on your Tinder journey. I don’t know who needs to hear this, but please shock us and write a bio. It is not enough that you have chiselled abs or a golden retriever — I want to know that you have thoughts or at least some intent on being on the app. The absence of a bio does warrant a left swipe.
Speaking of bios, you have three options: short and quirky; long and heavily detailed or “DTF.” The best option is finding the middle between the first two options. For instance, I once used Chubby mami who got it going on, as my bio. It’s a play on a lyric by JR on ‘All Eyes on Me’.
The reception to this was successful in the sense that it was a conversation starter, but a bit of a failure because the conversation would take a sexual turn from the jump and I did not particularly enjoy that.
If I had to get back on Tinder right now, I would probably still use a lyric from my favourite song. This is a cop out but at least it’s something.
You need a good mix of videos and photos.
Start off with a good full body picture; one selfie; one picture of you around your friends; one looped video of you smiling.
The picture of you with your friends is probably the most important picture in the carousel. It proves that you are a sociable person. All of this sounds simplistic but you have to trust the intel.
The final step is your music selection.
As trivial as it is, it is extremely important. You can choose to go for an obscure music choice or play it safe with something generic — whatever ‘generic’ looks like in your world — with something conventional.
Tinder has a few prompts that you can add to your profile like your profession, your star sign and your location. I do think you will be more successful if your profile is detailed.
Please make sure you have selected the right year in your profile. Many people have to correct their age in their bio, but now that you’re reading this article, maybe you’ll pay attention to such things.
The devil is in the detail.
Please do not grow tired of sending out your location to your friends. If you need to have a friend accompany you to a place you do not know, please do that.
If you could not tell, I am an advocate for online dating. There is a lot of sifting through different people, but your tribe and person are possibly just one ‘swipe right’ away.
So with all this said
You are probably wondering if I have had any Tinder success stories, right?
I actually have a few — so you can trust that my formula works well. My intention is to help you better your dating experience in Joburg.
Being able to meet like minded people and form genuine relationships. Relationships are not always about what people can do for you but what you can create with someone.